31 Pieces 2-4

31 Pieces 2-4 by Jackie Fedyk

Today’s request is brought to us by Doobie.

Doobie writes in; “Hamburger face boy”.

Back in the year of 1994, in a Midwest high school boy’s bathroom, a mild mannered janitor uses a cheap new cleaning fluid he purchased from a vagabond salesman the evening before to clean the nasty toilettes. The toilette cleaner is called Brown Zap, it is colored neon yellow and on the box in print is the manufacturer’s promise that it will zap the brown right out of your toilettes.

Soon after the janitor leaves the restroom, three rough and tough football jocks haul in their favorite victim, Mark Ferngrogg, in for his daily swirly.

Upon dunking the poor boy’s head into the freshly sanitized but toxic toilette water he becomes transformed. His hair is instantly burned off, his eye balls turn red with the power of toxic fury, now able to shoot fire balls at will and his simple teenage acne turns into an jumbled blah of gooey hamburger. Mark Ferngrogg is no longer a weak weenie. Inside him now burns the confidence and strength of ten football jocks. He blasts from the boy’s restroom like an A-Bomb of nerd rage destroying his enemies.

Mark Ferngrogg is no more, now he is HAMBURGER FACE BOY!!! Fighting for nerd justice in high school restrooms world wide. He defeats bullies with his boundless nerd rage, saving dweebs and geeks everywhere in his impregnable, vintage, thrift store corduroy super suit that his mother made for him. He is ageless and immortal and at your service when you’re about to get pounded.  If you’re ever in trouble just call out his name, “HAMBURGER FACE BOY” and he’ll be there in a blast to pop his toxic zits on your enemies.


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