Wanna participate in my Social Experiment? You can read about it (here.) If you email me your name and address I will send you a Vintage DC postcard with a ridiculous adventure recounting an experience that the two of us never had. So far I’ve sent out 46 postcards out of a box of 100! Almost half way through the box.
I would like to arrange a meeting with you about the bureau’s latest case. We would like to hire you as a consultant. I’m sure you are aware of the Havisham’s Mystery House; it’s been in all the papers. My colleagues and I have been turned onto some new evidence by an anonymous source. I can’t give you all the details until we meet in person. However the clues do involve: a wilted garlic pickle, a can of kerosene, a folk doll made of human hair, a glass eye, six prism-cut diamonds and briefcase containing 17 pairs of identical white silk gloves. What do you make of all this? Call me at the bureau.
You Pal, Jackie
It’s been too long and I wish we were to meet under better circumstances. I’ll cut right to the chase; something must be done about Mr. Cliff’s behavior. You hired him at your division and sent him to headquarters. We are very pleased with his work ethic, all the depositions have been out on time, and the office is in perfect working order. However he has some strange habits. He insists on working in the office alone and only after midnight. He will only work in the nude and with a night’s supply of raspberry filled pastries. Florence, our cleaning lady of the past 25 years, dropped dead of heart failure last Monday. She found Mr. Cliff at his desk in natures own with a raspberry smeared face. I forgot to warn her about him when she returned from vacation. Please help.
Your Pal, Jackie
I’m writing to ask you a very important question. Will you be my maid of honor? Professor Wiggins and I have finally decided to tie the knot! As you know we have been using each other as “lab rats” for our shape shifting and cloning research for the last six years. We have finally made a tremendous breakthrough and have sold some patients to World Corps Mega Industries. We have enough money to buy that remote island in the Pacific now and we’re ready to settle down and make some clones of our own. I hope you have nothing planned on June 1st! If you say yes I can send a helicopter to pick you up. Sorry they will have to blindfold you for your trip. The island’s location is Top Secret but we’re going to have Karaoke at the wedding reception so it should be a hoot! Bring your underwater scuba gear!
Your Pal, Jackie
I am so happy. Thank you so much for introducing me to Beauregard. He’s everything a girl could want in a man. Each day with him is like a poetic spring morning and each night is like stargazing into a galaxy of unearthly enchantment. When he holds me in his arms I feel as though the sun itself is burning new life across the universe inside me. He spoils me too. My apartment is filled with white roses and fabulous priceless furs! This weekend he’s taking me to Paris to see an Opera and next week it’s off to Venice. How can a man this wonderful not be taken? Tell me Vicky, can I fall in love with Beauregard or is this all too good to be true?
Whimsically Yours, Jacquelyn
Thank you for trying to cure me with hypnotherapy. I’m sorry to say that the nightmares have returned. Every night it’s the same dream. I’m walking down a dark corridor; the blue leprechaun enters through a glass door. He takes a bite of a red mushroom and then offers the rest to me. When I take a bite of the mushroom the floor opens underneath my feet and I fall into a beautiful garden breaking both of my legs. They don’t hurt really, however I can’t walk on them. Ronald Regan comes to me dressed as a hospital orderly and wheels me to a Victorian Hospital on a rusty old gurney. I am put into a hospital bed and told to wait for the nurse who turns out to be Vincent Price in drag. He prescribes horse tranquilizers. Then a horse in a nurse’s uniform comes in with a Victrola and plays Barry Manilow records until I wake up screaming covered in sweat. I think we need to move onto phase two. I have to get rid of these nightmares that plague me so!
Your Pal, Jackie
I’ve sent out 46 postcards and I’m all caught up, as of right now I have no more names on the list. A reader who has participated in this experiment has asked me if I will turn the project into a book. I’m looking into that…
In the meantime I need more adventure volunteers If you’d like to have a fake adventure with me mailed to your home or PO Box on a Vintage DC Comic postcard, then drop me a line with your name and address. You never know, our adventure may be transformed into a coffee table book!